Dreams

I can remember the first dream job that I had. I was five years old and wanted to be a doctor.
A year later I wanted to be a teacher, then a vet and….ect…ect

At thirteen I decided that no matter what I did at some point in my life I wanted to own a bookstore with a small cafe adjoining.
Red wood counters, soft lighting, red brick walls, big comfy chairs for patrons to come in and enjoy themselves, drink coffee, read and just relax…A place where people could come to and forget their troubles for just a moment…

I’m 22 now and that still remains my dream. I’m broke right now and have no fund to follow that dream since I am also just searching for a job. But I know that sometime in the future I will make it.

No matter what happens, where I end up, that dream of mine will come true.

Thinking about this has made me wonder, what are your dreams? What do you want to get out of your life?

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Ghost

I heard this song and straight away was reminded of High school. I always felt alone there even when surrounded by a sea of people, the only two friends I trusted both attended a different school to me.
I was scared of making new friends, because the moment I had started that high school I became a target for some mean girls.
The reason being? I always got on better with boys, I liked hanging out with them and that made the girls jealous, so, they picked on me.

I got into fights constantly.
I was once cornered in the changing rooms just after P.E class by a girl so much bigger than me.
I never backed down.
But there was no one I could lean on for support, no one I could talk to. I felt like Ghost in a sea of people.

I am glad High school is over for me. Even though the outside world is just as tough, I have learned how to protect myself, I have learned how to be strong and not to allow anyone’s judgment to darken my vision.

There is a life after High school and most bullied teens can’t see past their day to day lives, but, trust me it gets better.

Writing

I have always wanted to be a writer, write a book or a series. Sadly I’m one of those people who tend to criticize themselves too much.
I write and re-write and then follow that cycle over again and then to push the pin in further I don’t show my work to other people.

I don’t understand why that is, but here are some options;

Fear of Failure? –  I doubt that since I failed quite a few times in my life and I’m still here.
Fear of Success? – Does that means people will be expecting more from me? shudders.
Fear of Commitment – Committing myself to such a task…Sounds hard but not impossible.
Fear of expectations – Well I think anyone can buckle under pressure..But..Am I?

Either way, these are all excuses that I am tired of making. I want to be a writer, be it write books, reviews, blogs or articles I want to do it.

I want to commit myself to writing.
I want to Succeed.
I want to exceed peoples expectations.

…But most of all…I want to stop procrastinating.

I might not be the greatest when it comes to grammar, but that’s alright after all English is my third language.

I might not be the best when it comes to endings, but I can work on that.

What I am good at is coming up stories, creating characters and falling in love with the different worlds in my mind…

Mistakes

I’m going to say it….
We all know that humans make ‘bad’ decisions.
There is no one alive who hasn’t done it.
So, why do you judge people so harshly?
Especially when they are your friends and family.
You’ve done something yourself.

But then again;
It’s so much easier to see another persons faults.

I loathe people who look at a someone, not knowing anything about them, their lives, situations, mental state and just open their mouths because they want to make themselves feel better…

Why are there human beings who thrive when others are miserable because of them?
One could argue that it is due to their own complexes, their flaws. They are miserable and so they want others to feel the same.

But again…I have to ask why?

The way I judge and see people who have made bad decisions:

You have made a mistake, as your friend and fellow human being I will tell you so. Then, I will sit and listen while you cry and moan about it. Why? Because I am your friend and I care. No matter how bad your mistake is I am not going to leave…I will always forgive you.

Even after saying this, it does not mean I will let someone walk all over me, oh no if someone tries to wipe their feet as if I’m a doormat I will turn around and without a second of a doubt walk away.

There is a big difference between someone who is using you and someone who has made a mistake and is sorry.

I have made plenty of mistakes, and I’ve been judged by so many people, who for a long period had me under their control. I didn’t know how to cope. I was sorry, in pain and ashamed of my own flaws.

Then, I realized.

They have NO right to judge me, and I shouldn’t feel bad because of them.

As Eleanor Roosevelt once said:

No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.

You know what? she was right.
I have learned to love myself and no one can hurt me. Not even the people who want to the most.

I would also like you all to just remember.

Don’t judge. Be there for the people around you, even if you don’t know it,  you could be, that one link in their chain, that doesn’t break and keeps them from falling apart, and making that final mistake.

The begining

I have a hard time sticking to one subject since I enjoy quite a few. That is why I have decided to create this ‘blog’ and hopefully in the near future ‘vlog’ right now thought, I want to put things down in writing.
Thoughts, likes, dislikes.
I would also love to review books, movies, tv-shows and a lot of other things too.
Even thought I don’t look or sound it, I am not one of those people who is comfortable around other people. I wish I was and I will be trying to change that about myself so that I can experience life to its fullest potential.
I do hope that everyone who reads my blog will enjoy the content, comment and share their views on subjects and just in general help me adapt to being social!