Darkest Hollows

I find this song so beautiful it brings tears to my eyes. I found it a little while ago and then learned the story behind it.

This song was written for the daughter that Steven Curtis Chapman lost in a tragic accident.

Knowing this the tugs on my heartstrings are even harder.
I was raised by a single mother and my father never bothered to come see me, call me, or even send me a birthday card.

I know that my mom was the one who left him but for most of my life I hated the man, I felt abandoned and like half of me was missing.

I am the kind of person that doesn’t show their pain outright, I write it all down. So whenever someone asked me ‘..and your dad?’ I would just laugh it off and say ‘doesn’t matter I have the best mom’ and part of that is true, my mother is a wonderful person and even when we argue we always make up.

But, I hated him. In my life I saw him three times and those were accidental..
I always wanted a father who would be there for me, who would teach me how to ride my bike or drive, who would help my mother, but no I have no one.

And although I write all of this, recently it came to my attention that, the hollowness that makes me incomplete in my chest is starting to hurt more. I hate that part of me that wishes he had raised and cared for me. I am a strong independent woman and wish I could just forget about him.

Truth is, if something happened to him, this man that is a virtual stranger to me…I would hurt even worse inside. Because no matter what I say or write he is my father and even though my hole being tries to deny it, a part of me loves him…

Ghost

I heard this song and straight away was reminded of High school. I always felt alone there even when surrounded by a sea of people, the only two friends I trusted both attended a different school to me.
I was scared of making new friends, because the moment I had started that high school I became a target for some mean girls.
The reason being? I always got on better with boys, I liked hanging out with them and that made the girls jealous, so, they picked on me.

I got into fights constantly.
I was once cornered in the changing rooms just after P.E class by a girl so much bigger than me.
I never backed down.
But there was no one I could lean on for support, no one I could talk to. I felt like Ghost in a sea of people.

I am glad High school is over for me. Even though the outside world is just as tough, I have learned how to protect myself, I have learned how to be strong and not to allow anyone’s judgment to darken my vision.

There is a life after High school and most bullied teens can’t see past their day to day lives, but, trust me it gets better.